Jake tells me I need to write a book. It's title would be something like "Things Jake Has Said That I Can't Post on the Blog." It's amazing the stuff this guy will verbalize. Well, if I were ever to publish such a filthy bit of literature, I would definitely have to use this photo on the inside of the cover jacket.

He looks like a perfectly respectable kind of guy, no? Well, let me tell you what this guy said to me the other day. I had ordered some much needed maternity clothing online (I HATE shopping for maternity clothes.) and I was taking them out of their packaging and showing Jake what I had purchased. I pulled out a pair of underwear. Jake's immediate reaction: "That's . . . a lot of fabric."

It's true, I am currently larger than I have been in the past, but give me a break--I am seven months pregnant.

Yesterday, my Ellie proved to be her father's daughter and also gained some huge points in the Mommy book. We were driving to Costco, when she piped up, "Mommy, Daddy's fatter than you." It took me a moment to register what she had just said. I started to laugh. Then, she topped that comment with, "Do you know why? It's because he sticks out right here." And with that, as I glanced back at her, I saw her grab at some large imaginary love handles. I just about died laughing.

"You're funny, Ellie!" "Mom, I'm not funny, I'm smart!" Yeah, yeah, it's true.

So, do you think I spared my husband? Of course not. I HAD to tell him.

Jake, some day, when you ask her why she says the things she says, she's going to tell you, "I learned it from watching you!"

Be Mine

I'm testing out our new camera. It's nothing special--just the digital version of the old point-n-shoot. The truth is, Jake and I are both not into technology, so the fewer bells and whistles, the better. So far, it looks like this camera works. My bro is a great test subject, no?

We bought the camera because our old one, a very nice Sony with the Carl Zeiss lens, finally went kaput. Well, to be honest, it's been busted for years, basically since we bought it. Now, you wonder, why on earth would we hold on to a camera that's been broken since we bought it? Because Jake broke it. We bought the camera five years ago to take on a trip to Japan. Soon after we returned, Jake broke it.

I should be completely frank, though. Jake broke it because yours truly is a total clutter-bug. Really, it's at least as much my fault as his. Jake is a much better housekeeper than I am, which is unfortunate because I'm the one whose career includes the words "stay at home" in its title. Anyway, I had the camera cord (I believe it's called a USB connector or something technological like that) attached to the computer at one end, strung across a small area, and then connected to the camera at the other end, which was resting on a desk. Basically, the cord was a clothesline, into which Jake walked. The camera came crashing down onto the hardwood floor, and it never worked right after that.

Jake would have never left a cord of any kind hanging out. Jake always puts his things away. I, on the other hand, would never have walked into the cord because I am well aware of my cluttery ways and I am very careful where and how I tread. Jake is always trying to put stuff away and I'm always getting after him to cut it out because he's ruining my system.

Jake is also a better parent than I am. Also unfortunate because, well, I am the stay-at-home parent. Need proof? Jake cleans up the barf. I don't know that I need to say more, but I will. Jake deals with Ellie's outbursts head on while I prefer to emulate our ostrich friends--hide and maybe the problem will go away. Jake actually enjoys playing with the kids, while I, on the other hand, will post a Facebook status complaining of how my daughter will not stop talking to me.

Speaking of the kids, here they are enjoying their respective Valentine treats on Sunday morning. We found hollow chocolates with gummy treats on the inside. Judd's was an apple with a gummy worm and Ellie's was a frog with a spider.

Judd attacking his apple.

Ellie displaying her more sophisticated method of getting at the gummy treat.

Valentine's Day is actually a meaningful date in the Ross family history. It happens to be the day when, six years ago, Jake proposed to me. I won't get into the details here and now--maybe in another posting. So, it's a date that holds some sentiment for us. (For an entertaining commentary on V-day, particularly for men, let me direct you to a friend's blog: http://www.fletchword.blogspot.com/)

This leads me to another, and my final point. Jake is also a better spouse than I am. Saturday, we celebrated our special day by going out to dinner. Jake surprised me, not so much by where we went to dinner, but by the fact that he was able to keep the location a secret. (Keeping secrets is also an element of our special day--again, I won't get into it here.) We had dinner at Panzano's, which is one of my favorite places. They absolutely have the BEST caesar salad ever. I highly recommend it. Dinner was delicious, of course.

So, Jake takes me to dinner, which is sweet and super awesome. I figured that was our mutual Valentine's gift and didn't think twice about it--until the next day, Valentine's Day. Jake and Ellie handed me a card and a gift, and of course, it's the sweetest card ever, and the gift is a Corinne Bailey Rae CD. And I had nothing for him.

Ladies, how often do we get one-upped in this department? Well, in this family, it happens more often than I think is normal.

So, finally, you would think that at least, maybe, Katie is a better lawyer than Jake. Then that would seem to make things a little more even. But, alas, the best I can say for myself is that despite technically being a lawyer, I have never actually practiced law, and thus we can't judge who is better at practicing law. But, let's be honest--based on college and law school performance, I think Jake still runs circles around me.

I hope that Jake's knowing that I know what a great husband, father, housekeeper, and provider he is makes up, in part, for my shortcomings.

Happy Valentine's Day (late)

Engineer or Architect?

As I was looking for photos for a different posting, I came across some gems that I always meant to post but never did. Let me tell you a story.

One day in October, as I was sitting on my couch and trying not to move (bad day--not feeling too hot), Ellie approached me, asking if she could have some of that candy I had stashed on the top of her dresser. I had put it there to keep her from eating it, mind you. Now, you have to know my daughter. She has the gift of timing. I really really didn't want to move and I really didn't want to be pestered about that stupid candy in her room. So I told her to figure it out all by herself. After a moment or so, Miss Ellie disappeared and I was relieved.

A few minutes later, I heard some loud banging coming from upstairs. My thought process: I don't hear crying; Judd is with me; there is still movement up there; therefore, no one is hurt and I'm still not moving. About a half hour later, Ellie emerged and announced that she had gotten the candy she desired, all by herself. I congratulated her (admittedly half-heartedly) and didn't think anything of it. I did mention the loud noises to Jake when he got home from work, though.

Later, when Jake headed upstairs to bathe the kids, he yelled for me to come upstairs ASAP, with a camera. Here is what we discovered:

As you can see, in the background, there isn't a bin left in her little shelving unit, and there is also evidence of previous attempts. What do you say to this?

Oh, and by the way, in case you're wondering about the now deleted list of good eats in Denver, I moved it to my other website: www.foodkuu.blogspot.com. It's a food blog. Check it out.

Catch-up

This year, Thanksgiving was at our house, with my side of the family. My sister and her kids and my mom and my brother drove from Cache Valley for the weekend. It was kinda fun. I made the turkey and accompaniments and my sister made the dessert. Wondering what my mom did? Well, I'll tell you about Thanksgiving with my mom. She doesn't really care so much to get involved, except for the eating part. I don't think I've ever seen her prepare a turkey. She says it's because she's Japanese and Thanksgiving with turkey is an American thing. Sheesh! That's fine with me, though. I'm a little bit territorial with my kitchen. Just ask Jake.

There was a little bit of drama for a moment there when Ellie and Erika wanted the same pink lunch tray. My mistake--I was under the impression that purple was still Erika's fave as a far as colors go, but Jessica informed me (too late) that currently, it's pink. Oops. Ellie ended up with the pink tray and Erika had a very disappointing Thanksgiving lunch on a purple tray. The boys, as you can see, are completely indifferent.

This is the crew. There are better shots of this, but I chose the one that showcased: (a) my brother's true nature; (b) my son's gut; and (c) Ellie's attitude about Grandma and cousins leaving that morning. She was not happy.

Oh, Christmas! Here is the scene at our house, Christmas morning. Happy, happy 3-year-old. Judd didn't quite get it. Ellie was pretty sure that most of the gifts were for her.

Judd, on the other hand, discovered that there was candy in his stocking and that was all he cared about. Here he is, quite peeved that we took the candy away. In our defense, we thought he might concentrate on opening presents a bit better if the candy was gone. Have I ever mentioned how persistent my children are? Yeah. Judd cried all morning. (He also cries like this whenever I wash his favorite blankets. He stands by the washing machine and sobs.)


Ellie with her new baby, at Jake's parents' house. She and her grandfather decided to name it Baby Huey. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

My Man

I just came upon this today.

Is there any question as to why I am married to this man?

Spooks and Ghouls

Halloween. Costumes. Candy. Personality changes. (Direct result of the candy.) Tantrums. What's not to love?

Oh, and of course, my husband's annual embarrassing costume choice, which, inevitably involves some form of disgusting facial hair. Who would have thought Jake would be such a Halloween afficionado?

Here's the scene just a few days before Halloween. Crazy Denver weather. It snowed another foot and a half after I snapped this photo. Thank goodness for all-wheel-drive is all I can say. Judd had no clue as to what to do with all this snow. He had never really seen it before. This is what happened as soon as I opened the garage door: both kids took off running into the accumulating snow and within a few feet fell flat on their faces. Judd was quite stunned. Ellie, being more experienced in snow, got up and kept on truckin'. Judd made a beeline for the icy puddle at the bottom of the driveway, fell in, and decided he was done.

Ellie decided on Halloween that she was going to be Princess Minnie. Up to that point, I thought she was going to be a Cinderella princess or something like that. Ellie has many princess options. Oh, and by the way, I want you all to know that Jake calls Ellie his little princess. I once heard that one of the cardinal rules of dating for dudes is to never date a chick whose father calls her "princess." Not sure if Jake is sabotaging her on purpose. . .

By the time I remembered to snap a photo of Judd in his Judd-zilla costume, it was after we had trick-or-treated and he was well beyond being able to keep it together. This is the best I could do. (Costume is homemade.) Jake claims this photo is great because this is "classic Judd."

Here is another attempt.

Yes, I am aware that there is something strange growing on Jake's face. I didn't get a photo, but this is the remnant of Jake's Halloween costume. Walker Texas Ranger. He went all the way costume-wise with this one. What he really wanted was Walker Texas Ranger running a marathon, but I nixed that one as just too random. Of course, after he was done with the costume, he had to shave the beard into something that I would totally object to, and this year tops off all other years. I have no idea what this is supposed to be, but it utterly offends me.

Then, Jake makes this commentary: "Do you think there are styles that are just so ruined by certain people that they will never come back into style?"

Me: "Huh?"

Jake: "Well, I'm just wondering when the Hitler is going to come back."

Happy Halloween Y'all!