Noriko Yamane Murphy: 1950-2010

Early yesterday morning, my mom's 5-year battle with cancer came to an end. Today, after one of the busiest days I have ever experienced, I find myself feeling overwhelmed by the things that have happened over the last couple of days.

Ironically, she did not die of cancer. She died of a heart attack. Even more irony:  about a month and a half ago, we found out that her cancer was growing at an alarmingly rapid rate and aggressive treatment would be necessary. She was receiving that treatment when all this happened.

When my mom went into the hospital Thursday, she just happened to have a very special houseguest--perhaps her very best friend. This friend, who my mom hadn't seen in a long time, along with my sister, were able to be with my mom in her very last moments. My sister had to make some incredibly difficult medical decisions for my mom that day, and it was an immense comfort to know that both of them weren't alone through all that.

As soon as we could, Jake and I packed up my brother and the kids and drove to Utah. While I have been incredibly busy with funeral and burial arrangements and legal matters, I have not had to fix a single meal. In fact, when we arrived at my mother's house, Yuko had prepared a delicious homemade meal for us. After she left, the doorbell rang, and another dear friend of my mom's handed me a box filled with fresh rolls, cheese, and sandwich meat, "in case we got hungry." And the meals keep on coming.

I had avoided telling Ellie about her grandma as long as possible, but by the time we drove into my mom's driveway, Ellie was really asking some questions I couldn't put off. So I told her that Grandma died. Before I could go into "do you remember what we learned at church about what happens when we die?" she started dancing around and pointing to the sky shouting, "Grandma is with Heavenly Father!" She said all this like it was the coolest thing that had ever happened. Maybe she's in denial. Maybe things will "hit" her later and we'll really have some emotions to deal with. Or maybe she gets things much better than her parents do. I don't know.

Some other dear friends of my mom's got together and purchased a wonderfully generous gift for my mom. I won't get into it what it was, but I will just say that I am still in awe of how much love they must have had for her.

In addition, numerous friends have offered help, support, and flowers, and I truly feel blessed to have so much at such a tumultuous time in my life. I believe that many of the more difficult burdens we've dealt with have become much lighter because of all the help we have received.

For those of you interested, her funeral will be on Wednesday morning in North Logan. If you would like more details, please contact me.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am headed off to bed. I am quite exhausted, and I believe I still have a lot more to do tomorrow. I will attempt a more coherent and interesting blog at a future date.

Spring!

Life has been busy. The kids have been busy. Here's a synopsis of our spring thus far:

Starting the garden. I read in the newspaper several weeks ago that it was time to get peas in the ground, so that's what we did last month. The kids helped.

Jake hates this picture, but I think it's so funny. Judd decided to wear his Chef Boyardee rather than eat it. It's quite rare for this kid to decide to not eat something.

I am staunchly anti-camping. I just don't see the point. Why sleep on the ground, outside, in the middle of nowhere, when there's a perfectly good hotel up the street? You outdoor enthusiasts out there, you are seriously not going to move me on this one. It's a conclusion I've drawn after many many years of mistakenly thinking that I actually like sleeping in nature. I became very much at peace with myself when I finally realized that I was experiencing something akin to cognitive dissonance where camping is concerned. I was delighted to find out that the love of my life is also not inclined to camp.

Consequently, we do not own any camping gear. Well, except for that random tent that Jake owns for whatever reason. But it was still in a sealed box until last year when I broke it out so the kids could play in it. This year I'm working on getting emergency supplies and storage and whatnot, and I decided that we probably ought to have a few outdoor things just in case. Hence the sleeping bag. This is the Ross family's first sleeping bag. Kind of pathetic that this is the first time my almost-4-year-old daughter has ever seen a sleeping bag. She was soooo excited. "Mommy what's this? Mommy what do you do with it? Mommy can I go inside it? I can sleep in it? Can I put my head in it?" Obviously, it was a big moment for her, so I had to get a shot.

At the aquarium. We got memberships again this year after foregoing last year. We've actually used them quite a bit so far, though.

Easter. Ellie had been excited about coloring eggs for weeks. She and my brother were the artists this year.

Egg hunting. We did it indoors because the Easter Bunny didn't want to hide eggs in the cold outdoors. Yeah, our Easter Bunny doesn't go camping, either.

Finally, the classic "Judd crying again" photo. Remember Christmas? You'd think he would be excited about finding eggs all over the house. But no. Here are the things you can always count on with this kid: (1) He will try to eat all the candy at once; (2) Jake will take the candy away in an effort to interest Judd in a different activity; (3) Judd will cry and cry until you give the candy back; (4) Jake will repeat this scene with Judd at every holiday that involves candy. Oh, and Judd will NEVER take an interest in the other activity.

Happy Spring everyone!

Gentlemen Broncos (the perfect Neanderthal)

My family has the perverse tradition of Neanderthalling each other. What is a Neanderthal you ask? Let me start at the beginning. My dad used to buy a book to read on the plane when he traveled for business, and I typically would read the book once he returned home. This is how I was introduced to some of my favorite authors such as Carl Hiaasen and Elmore Leonard.

On one particular trip he brought home the book Neanderthal, by John Darton http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neanderthal_(novel). I recall asking him if it was any good and he described it as page turner with an Indiana Jones-like plot. Sucker that I am, I believed him and unfortunately once you start reading it you can't put it down. 368 pages later I was telling him what a terrible book it was and that I couldn't believe that he'd recommended it to me. My dad just laughed and said, "I know isn't it terrible?"

Well not to be outdone, I immediately convinced my sister, Paden, that she should read the book. Needless to say, she had the same reaction to the book and thus began the tradition of Neanderthalling each other. In my family Neanderthalling has spread from bogus book recommendations to music and movie recommendations. I recently Neanderthalled a co-worker (who is an animal lover) into watching Project X. He not only watched it, but he bought it new off Amazon based upon my recommendation. Fortunately he saw the humor in it, but he now takes my recommendations with a grain of salt.

When it comes to Neanderthalling, Paden is like someone who is funny but doesn't know it. Case in point, her glowing text message encouraging me to see Avatar, or as I like to refer to it as [Katie said I'm not allowed to post the rest of my thought]. I think Paden thought she was actually doing me a favor by recommending that I see James Cameron's latest ego trip. Paden, kudos to you on Neanderthalling me on that one, even if you didn't realize that you had done so.

Now to my thesis, Gentlemen Broncos is the perfect Neanderthal. Gentlemen Broncos is the movie where Jared Hess (director of Napolean Dynamite and Nacho Libre) jumped the shark. I had such high hopes going into it. It stars one of my favorite actors Jemaine Clement, and includes an excellent cast (Sam Rockwell and Jennifer Coolidge). Here's the trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdpFpfIBkXc. After watching that, tell me that you wouldn't want to see this flick. It got a 16% on Rottentomatoes and was described as "overwhelmingly quirky" http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/gentlemen_broncos/, but then again, Nacho Libre only got a 39% and is without question one of my all time favorites, as evidenced by this:

Gentlemen Broncos was terrible, and not in a good way. However, as I watched it, hoping against hope that it would redeem itself in the end, I knew that it was the perfect Neanderthal. My siblings have become pretty adept at sniffing out a Neanderthal (particularly one coming from me), but I knew that this would work. All my siblings loved Napolean and Nacho, so I casually dropped an email asking if any of them had seen the new movie by the director of Napolean starring Jemaine Clement. Paden bit hook, line, and sinker--she even asked me if I was Neanderthalling her, to which I replied, no, we really liked it, noting that it had been panned by the critics just like Nacho Libre, but how could you go wrong with Jemaine Clement as a science fiction author?

So, it was much to my delight to receive the following text message from her a couple nights later, "You suck." It was even better after calling her and hearing that her mother-in-law had sat through it.

Having said that, it really isn't that bad. You should definitely check it out! And while you're at it, be sure to grab some authentic Mexican takeout from Cafe Rio.

All Kinds of Trouble

Indoor Mischief

Typical day for Judd:

Homemade tatoos, courtesy Eleanor:

And one for Judd, again, courtesy Eleanor:

This guy likes to eat. A lot.

Outdoor Mischief

Sandbox fighting. Note the million toys in the sandbox. Usually, they both want to play with the same one. Go figure.

Ellie doesn't want to pedal. So Daddy is helping. His comment: "She's not very good. But we're practicing." This kid has 3 bikes and usually refuses to ride any of them. I think it's because she's, well, she's tiny. She can't reach the pedals on her Big Wheel and she can barely reach them on this thing. Grow, baby, grow!

This is also a photo of Daddy Mischief. Notice the haircut? Yeah, not very lawyer-like, don't you think? Oh well, at least there's no moustache this time.

You still look good, though, Jake!

Jake tells me I need to write a book. It's title would be something like "Things Jake Has Said That I Can't Post on the Blog." It's amazing the stuff this guy will verbalize. Well, if I were ever to publish such a filthy bit of literature, I would definitely have to use this photo on the inside of the cover jacket.

He looks like a perfectly respectable kind of guy, no? Well, let me tell you what this guy said to me the other day. I had ordered some much needed maternity clothing online (I HATE shopping for maternity clothes.) and I was taking them out of their packaging and showing Jake what I had purchased. I pulled out a pair of underwear. Jake's immediate reaction: "That's . . . a lot of fabric."

It's true, I am currently larger than I have been in the past, but give me a break--I am seven months pregnant.

Yesterday, my Ellie proved to be her father's daughter and also gained some huge points in the Mommy book. We were driving to Costco, when she piped up, "Mommy, Daddy's fatter than you." It took me a moment to register what she had just said. I started to laugh. Then, she topped that comment with, "Do you know why? It's because he sticks out right here." And with that, as I glanced back at her, I saw her grab at some large imaginary love handles. I just about died laughing.

"You're funny, Ellie!" "Mom, I'm not funny, I'm smart!" Yeah, yeah, it's true.

So, do you think I spared my husband? Of course not. I HAD to tell him.

Jake, some day, when you ask her why she says the things she says, she's going to tell you, "I learned it from watching you!"

Be Mine

I'm testing out our new camera. It's nothing special--just the digital version of the old point-n-shoot. The truth is, Jake and I are both not into technology, so the fewer bells and whistles, the better. So far, it looks like this camera works. My bro is a great test subject, no?

We bought the camera because our old one, a very nice Sony with the Carl Zeiss lens, finally went kaput. Well, to be honest, it's been busted for years, basically since we bought it. Now, you wonder, why on earth would we hold on to a camera that's been broken since we bought it? Because Jake broke it. We bought the camera five years ago to take on a trip to Japan. Soon after we returned, Jake broke it.

I should be completely frank, though. Jake broke it because yours truly is a total clutter-bug. Really, it's at least as much my fault as his. Jake is a much better housekeeper than I am, which is unfortunate because I'm the one whose career includes the words "stay at home" in its title. Anyway, I had the camera cord (I believe it's called a USB connector or something technological like that) attached to the computer at one end, strung across a small area, and then connected to the camera at the other end, which was resting on a desk. Basically, the cord was a clothesline, into which Jake walked. The camera came crashing down onto the hardwood floor, and it never worked right after that.

Jake would have never left a cord of any kind hanging out. Jake always puts his things away. I, on the other hand, would never have walked into the cord because I am well aware of my cluttery ways and I am very careful where and how I tread. Jake is always trying to put stuff away and I'm always getting after him to cut it out because he's ruining my system.

Jake is also a better parent than I am. Also unfortunate because, well, I am the stay-at-home parent. Need proof? Jake cleans up the barf. I don't know that I need to say more, but I will. Jake deals with Ellie's outbursts head on while I prefer to emulate our ostrich friends--hide and maybe the problem will go away. Jake actually enjoys playing with the kids, while I, on the other hand, will post a Facebook status complaining of how my daughter will not stop talking to me.

Speaking of the kids, here they are enjoying their respective Valentine treats on Sunday morning. We found hollow chocolates with gummy treats on the inside. Judd's was an apple with a gummy worm and Ellie's was a frog with a spider.

Judd attacking his apple.

Ellie displaying her more sophisticated method of getting at the gummy treat.

Valentine's Day is actually a meaningful date in the Ross family history. It happens to be the day when, six years ago, Jake proposed to me. I won't get into the details here and now--maybe in another posting. So, it's a date that holds some sentiment for us. (For an entertaining commentary on V-day, particularly for men, let me direct you to a friend's blog: http://www.fletchword.blogspot.com/)

This leads me to another, and my final point. Jake is also a better spouse than I am. Saturday, we celebrated our special day by going out to dinner. Jake surprised me, not so much by where we went to dinner, but by the fact that he was able to keep the location a secret. (Keeping secrets is also an element of our special day--again, I won't get into it here.) We had dinner at Panzano's, which is one of my favorite places. They absolutely have the BEST caesar salad ever. I highly recommend it. Dinner was delicious, of course.

So, Jake takes me to dinner, which is sweet and super awesome. I figured that was our mutual Valentine's gift and didn't think twice about it--until the next day, Valentine's Day. Jake and Ellie handed me a card and a gift, and of course, it's the sweetest card ever, and the gift is a Corinne Bailey Rae CD. And I had nothing for him.

Ladies, how often do we get one-upped in this department? Well, in this family, it happens more often than I think is normal.

So, finally, you would think that at least, maybe, Katie is a better lawyer than Jake. Then that would seem to make things a little more even. But, alas, the best I can say for myself is that despite technically being a lawyer, I have never actually practiced law, and thus we can't judge who is better at practicing law. But, let's be honest--based on college and law school performance, I think Jake still runs circles around me.

I hope that Jake's knowing that I know what a great husband, father, housekeeper, and provider he is makes up, in part, for my shortcomings.

Happy Valentine's Day (late)