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Dear Mom,

On what would have been your 62nd birthday, I thought I'd show you some things you might like.

Sometimes we can't find Judd. Then we find him asleep.

The kids are best friends. I love watching them play together.

Ellie started first grade and Judd started his second year of preschool. They both love school.

She is growing up.

She is, too, but she is still a baby to me.

This guy is the sweetest boy.

He doesn't love soccer, though.

When Ellie is at school, these two are best friends.

And I think Maki is happy and healthy. The kids drive him nuts, though.

I still think of you every day. Ellie remembers you well. Can you believe it? She misses you but she seems confident that we will all get to meet again someday.

Happy Birthday!

Love,
Katie

An Announcement and Update

First, a big announcement:

I have a new blog. I know, you were expecting a baby announcement. I realize that we are "due" for another baby Ross. Ha ha. Nope. I have graced the blogosphere with a new blog. The beauty of this one, though, is that is centers around my husband. Here is the link. Enjoy. The Adventures of Jake.

Next, I will torture you with things my kids have done or said.

1. Judd had an accident last week at his grandparents' house. Later that day, Jake wanted to talk about the incident.
Jake:  Why did you poop in your pants today?
Judd:  Dad, somebody put poop in my pants today at Boppy's house.
Jake:  ...

He turned 4 last month. Here he is in his new Polo Ralph Lauren outfit, courtesy Aunt Sumie in Japan. Classic.

Please don't mind that chaos on my patio there. I wish I could say a storm did that, but we all know that's just the natural state of my home.

2. My 2-year-old is very good at telling you she is 6 years old. She holds out the correct number of fingers and everything. She's very convincing, except for the fact that she usually looks like this.

She's just a baby! Incidentally, my 4-year-old son uses two hands to tell you how old he is.

3. Teeth are falling out all over the place.

Happy summer!

Happy Mom's Day 2012

Here's a recent (and rare) photo of me with my kids. Note that one of them is trying to push me out of the picture. I believe that we are at a place in our lives where a good family snapshot is a mere fantasy.

As Mother's Day approaches, I find myself thinking often about the role of mothers in general, and my job as a mother, specifically. A few weeks ago, a dear friend of mine commented that she was a much better attorney than she was a mother. She, like me, has made the decision to stay at home with the kids rather than pursue a potentially lucrative and exciting career as an attorney. I should have interjected at the time and told her firmly that she is not only a capable and competent parent, but also about as good as they come. I can't imagine a mother who loves her children more. (If you're reading this now, my friend, I hope you take this to heart! )

Her comment, however, made me think about how I view myself as a mother. I can honestly tell you that this is the most difficult task I have ever ever ever taken on in my entire life. I can give you a list of the insanely difficult things I have either done or endured in my life, but motherhood dwarfs them all. (The bar exam? Ha! Not even close!) This stay-at-home mom thing? Impossible! If you see my house on any given day, you would have to agree. My kids run wild, my house is overrun with random shoes and stray food, and every surface that is reachable by a 2 1/2 foot tall human has been tagged with Sharpie. (Incidentally, I think I have discovered where my grey streak is going to be.) You know those blogs where the mom is beautiful, the kids are clean and well dressed, and the home is perfectly decorated? This isn't that blog. This is the blog where the mom is usually wiping poop off of something or someone. Or was that a tropical storm that just swept through my kitchen right after I hand-mopped the floor and scrubbed the grout? I so so so hate grout!

Then I thought of my own mom, who had to do all this, but thousands of miles away from her homeland, from her family. She had to do it with almost no money, an absentee/abusive spouse, and as a result, often waning mental health. My relationship with my mom was always complicated and difficult, but as I delve deeper into my job as a mom, I realize more and more how difficult things were for her. I find myself wondering how she was able to take us all to adulthood, given the circumstances she had.

As you know, my mom died two years ago. However, it was just recently that I figured out what the ache for her in my heart was. For me, despite our complicated relationship, my mom was the person who was proud of me. I could tell her the things I had done, and I knew that made her happy. She would tell me that I had done well or would marvel that I had such an ability to do whatever it was I had done. I truly miss that. Now I ache to pick up the phone to call my mom and tell her about the things my kids have done. I know she would love that.

I owe my mom a huge Thank You and Happy Mother's Day. Also to Jake's mom, Happy Mother's Day and Thank You--you've done a great job!

Today was my daughter's first ever piano recital. She had a brilliant performance. It brought memories of my many piano recitals and how I felt back then. I am glad to report that after she played her pieces, I held her on my lap, gave her a big squeeze, and told her how proud of her I am. Her face beamed, and I saw that my role as her mother isn't so different from my own mom's role as a mother to me.

Happy Mother's Day!

Update 2012

Just an update on our insane lives:

Maki turned 38 in January. Scary thought, no?

We had some snow.

I made some really big cookies. Corn flake crunch, marshmallow, and chocolate chips.

The kids got some quality sunshine in between storms. And also some quality Wendy's lunch.

This is what Lu wants to do every day, all day long.

That's all I've got for now.

Pay It Forward

I spent a much-needed weekend away from home this past weekend. I will go ahead and say it:  it was an awesome time. It was the first time I've ever been away from all three of my kids and my husband at the same time. On top of that, I spent the weekend in one of my favorite places--Seattle. What made this weekend particularly special, however, was the reason for which I made the trip. 

A year and a half ago, my mother passed away suddenly. (Some of you know she was already dying of cancer, but her actual cause of death was congestive heart failure and a massive heart attack caused by the cancer drug Herceptin.) I say suddenly, but the final twenty or so hours of her life were particularly painful and difficult. Through it all, there was one person by her side, right up until she breathed her last breath. (My sister was also there for her last few hours.) This friend had driven from Seattle to Logan a few days previous for the sole purpose of caring for her during that round of chemotherapy. She was the one who broke the news to me of my mom's dire situation. She didn't leave town until after the funeral, at which she gave the most beautiful memorial to my mom.

Her name was Yuko Johnson, and she passed away last week after her own years-long battle with cancer. She was one of the most impressive people I have ever known. She is the reason I went to Seattle this weekend. I said this past weekend was awesome. It may be strange to say that of a funeral weekend, but it just was. 

When I arrived in Seattle, Yuko's husband and daughter welcomed me into their home and we had a very nice and heartfelt visit. Chris's family, of course, was there, and Yuko's friends came and went as the day wore on. I have known Yuko for twenty or so years, and it was absolutely lovely to learn about Yuko from people who knew her even longer and from other times and places of her life. I enjoyed visiting with Tia, her daughter, and being able to recognize the many things she must have picked up from her mother. The one thing that impressed me the most was that there were so many people in the world who absolutely loved this woman. She was a true friend to all these people. I won't go into a lot of detail about Yuko's life, but I can attest that it was a particularly full and dynamic one.

I wish I could have given her a big hug before she left. I suppose that I will get my chance someday. 

By the time it was time for me to return home, I was refreshed and ready to face my crazy life again. I also had a heart full of gratitude--that I had Yuko for a friend, that I was able to meet and make friends with so many of her friends, and that I have her as a teacher and example. Heck, I was grateful for being able to travel so far away, even if it meant having to submit to a full body search at airport security because I absolutely refuse to go through the full-body scanner. 

Here are some photos from the weekend. I searched all my digital photos for anything with Yuko in it, but I had nothing, unfortunately. This is Yuko's sweet mother-in-law and some of her friends. One traveled all the way from Germany. The tall girl in the middle is Yuko's daughter who just returned from and LDS mission. (She also has a son who is currently serving a mission in Brazil.) We made Japanese curry for lunch. Delicious food, warm company, lovely lunch.

This is at her graveside service. I was so glad and honored to be invited. Yuko's daughter is on the far left, and the rest of us are friends from all over the world.

I know that I am now refreshed and can better do my day job on a basic level. I hope to be a better wife, mother, sister, and person. Yuko, I hope to be a bit more like you.

Mata au hi made.

Birthday Card

Dear Mom,

Happy 61st Birthday! I don't know if birthdays from this life count where you are now, but I am thinking of you all the same. Maki is, too. So is Jessica. We miss you.

Love,
Katie