Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Gentlemen Broncos (the perfect Neanderthal)

My family has the perverse tradition of Neanderthalling each other. What is a Neanderthal you ask? Let me start at the beginning. My dad used to buy a book to read on the plane when he traveled for business, and I typically would read the book once he returned home. This is how I was introduced to some of my favorite authors such as Carl Hiaasen and Elmore Leonard.
On one particular trip he brought home the book Neanderthal, by John Darton http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neanderthal_(novel). I recall asking him if it was any good and he described it as page turner with an Indiana Jones-like plot. Sucker that I am, I believed him and unfortunately once you start reading it you can't put it down. 368 pages later I was telling him what a terrible book it was and that I couldn't believe that he'd recommended it to me. My dad just laughed and said, "I know isn't it terrible?"

Well not to be outdone, I immediately convinced my sister, Paden, that she should read the book. Needless to say, she had the same reaction to the book and thus began the tradition of Neanderthalling each other. In my family Neanderthalling has spread from bogus book recommendations to music and movie recommendations. I recently Neanderthalled a co-worker (who is an animal lover) into watching Project X. He not only watched it, but he bought it new off Amazon based upon my recommendation. Fortunately he saw the humor in it, but he now takes my recommendations with a grain of salt.

When it comes to Neanderthalling, Paden is like someone who is funny but doesn't know it. Case in point, her glowing text message encouraging me to see Avatar, or as I like to refer to it as [Katie said I'm not allowed to post the rest of my thought]. I think Paden thought she was actually doing me a favor by recommending that I see James Cameron's latest ego trip. Paden, kudos to you on Neanderthalling me on that one, even if you didn't realize that you had done so.

Now to my thesis, Gentlemen Broncos is the perfect Neanderthal. Gentlemen Broncos is the movie where Jared Hess (director of Napolean Dynamite and Nacho Libre) jumped the shark. I had such high hopes going into it. It stars one of my favorite actors Jemaine Clement, and includes an excellent cast (Sam Rockwell and Jennifer Coolidge). Here's the trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdpFpfIBkXc. After watching that, tell me that you wouldn't want to see this flick. It got a 16% on Rottentomatoes and was described as "overwhelmingly quirky" http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/gentlemen_broncos/, but then again, Nacho Libre only got a 39% and is without question one of my all time favorites, as evidenced by this:



Gentlemen Broncos was terrible, and not in a good way. However, as I watched it, hoping against hope that it would redeem itself in the end, I knew that it was the perfect Neanderthal. My siblings have become pretty adept at sniffing out a Neanderthal (particularly one coming from me), but I knew that this would work. All my siblings loved Napolean and Nacho, so I casually dropped an email asking if any of them had seen the new movie by the director of Napolean starring Jemaine Clement. Paden bit hook, line, and sinker--she even asked me if I was Neanderthalling her, to which I replied, no, we really liked it, noting that it had been panned by the critics just like Nacho Libre, but how could you go wrong with Jemaine Clement as a science fiction author?

So, it was much to my delight to receive the following text message from her a couple nights later, "You suck." It was even better after calling her and hearing that her mother-in-law had sat through it.

Having said that, it really isn't that bad. You should definitely check it out! And while you're at it, be sure to grab some authentic Mexican takeout from Cafe Rio.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

All Kinds of Trouble

Indoor Mischief

Typical day for Judd:


Homemade tatoos, courtesy Eleanor:

And one for Judd, again, courtesy Eleanor:

This guy likes to eat. A lot.
Outdoor Mischief
Sandbox fighting. Note the million toys in the sandbox. Usually, they both want to play with the same one. Go figure.

Ellie doesn't want to pedal. So Daddy is helping. His comment: "She's not very good. But we're practicing." This kid has 3 bikes and usually refuses to ride any of them. I think it's because she's, well, she's tiny. She can't reach the pedals on her Big Wheel and she can barely reach them on this thing. Grow, baby, grow!
This is also a photo of Daddy Mischief. Notice the haircut? Yeah, not very lawyer-like, don't you think? Oh well, at least there's no moustache this time.
You still look good, though, Jake!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Jake tells me I need to write a book. It's title would be something like "Things Jake Has Said That I Can't Post on the Blog." It's amazing the stuff this guy will verbalize. Well, if I were ever to publish such a filthy bit of literature, I would definitely have to use this photo on the inside of the cover jacket.

He looks like a perfectly respectable kind of guy, no? Well, let me tell you what this guy said to me the other day. I had ordered some much needed maternity clothing online (I HATE shopping for maternity clothes.) and I was taking them out of their packaging and showing Jake what I had purchased. I pulled out a pair of underwear. Jake's immediate reaction: "That's . . . a lot of fabric."

It's true, I am currently larger than I have been in the past, but give me a break--I am seven months pregnant.

Yesterday, my Ellie proved to be her father's daughter and also gained some huge points in the Mommy book. We were driving to Costco, when she piped up, "Mommy, Daddy's fatter than you." It took me a moment to register what she had just said. I started to laugh. Then, she topped that comment with, "Do you know why? It's because he sticks out right here." And with that, as I glanced back at her, I saw her grab at some large imaginary love handles. I just about died laughing.

"You're funny, Ellie!" "Mom, I'm not funny, I'm smart!" Yeah, yeah, it's true.

So, do you think I spared my husband? Of course not. I HAD to tell him.

Jake, some day, when you ask her why she says the things she says, she's going to tell you, "I learned it from watching you!"